Busted

It's a nice Tuesday evening and i am out enjoying a cigar and a beer. My house went on the market yesterday and we already have our first showing tonight. While I have been pretty much at peace with the house stuff up to this point. Today has me stressed and a little aggro. It's all becoming real. I must admit that I am not as at peace with it as I originally thought. Some old stomped down and buried feelings of anger and resentment are showing their evil heads. I want so bad to just let it go and move on. But for some reason, it just won't go away. I have said all I can say and done all I can do, yet there is some deep attachment to the house. I don't feel like it is a physical attachment, but a spiritual one. Fuck, I can always get another house, but the memories of the boys as they have taken their 1st steps and said their 1st words and smiled their 1st smiles, all those types of things are what is digging into my mind and soul and causing me to suffer. Suffering is caused by our attachment to things, both physical and emotional and if we are truly to find peace, we need to let go of all attachment. I want to let go of the physical aspects of the last 8 years, but not the emotional aspects. Well, not the emotional aspects that have to do with the boys. The other shit can just go to hell, I have suffered enough due to that. So, how do I balance the great memories that while making me happy, also cause pain and suffering with the realization that one more chapter of my life is coming to an end? I am really feeling lost and alone and forgotten. I take refuge in the light of my sons' love for me and I know damn well that should be enough, but it is a temporary refuge. When they are not with me, the darkness returns and I fight and struggle some more. I guess I live to fight another day and will continue to do so. If not me, for them!
Peace
Shing 11/09