It’s 4am and this sucks, so I write to try and soothe my battered soul. These are my thoughts: So this it! I am done. I am done trying to put a positive spin on my life and where I am headed and where I am. I hate my life. I hate myself. I love my sons with all my heart. I am sick and tired of being lonely. I am sick and tired of feeling beaten down and defeated. So, I am gonna embrace the dark side. I am gonna take it all; the darkness in my mind, heart and soul and embrace it. I am gonna confront it head on and see what direction it takes me. I already feel as though the darkness that envelopes me day and night is impenetrable, so why not just accept it. It is part of who I am and maybe I am not strong enough to fight it off anymore. I am done being Mr. Nice Guy. I am done deflecting the negativity in my soul onto other places. I am ready for the battle that is gonna rage deep inside of me. I am ready to be done with it one way or another. I am sure that there is a ton of goodness inside of me, but I am done looking for it and forcing it to the front. I am just tired and lonely and sick of it all. Peace to everyone else out there, I am not gonna find my own for awhile. Peace
Shing 09/28/09
Posts
hi again!
16 years ago
As long as you have your boys. there will always be a "light" on in your life!
ReplyDeleteEveryone battles demons, just hope you win!
Mike
P.S. you arent alone - thats what twitter is for :) Thats why I am on there a BOATLOAD!
Shing,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty brother but don't give up on the fight; there is great blessing in your life--you have two beautiful boys that I am sure love you and see you as their hero; and you have a ton of BOTL! Keep fighting bro, we'll all fight with you.
Matthew
Hang in there man. I'm sure you have heard the the old saying "sometimes it is darkest just before light.". Life has a way of breaking us all at some point. It is how respond that makes all the difference for you and your family. We are here for you.
ReplyDelete